The Lesson Learned on a Plane

It is clear to me that there is a life lesson buried in this new adventure of mine.  Not that this is any huge revelation, I mean life lessons happen all of the time.  It is really just a matter of whether or not we choose to acknowledge the lesson unfolding.  I know that I am dramatic (Chris reminds me all of the time) and that I can over-analyze & over philosophize, but even if I tried really really hard, I still couldn't deny that there is something for me to learn or get out of this adventure.  Even when I do try to ignore the impending lesson and pretend that this was just another thing happening in my life, there are plenty of people that point out the magnitude of this opportunity and what it could provide my life in terms of, well everything.  Yes, I went there.  Nearly everybody has something to say or point out.  Most share the same ideas in what this opportunity might provide. Some choose to elaborate, while others likely noticed my facial expressions and stopped short.  Is it possible that they all just spew the same rhetoric by accident, as if it was just something that they should say in order to be polite or involved in the topic at hand?  I am sure it is possible, but maybe there is something for me to hear.  Maybe there is such a thing as divine providence.  So yes, I listened to what might be if there were a lesson to learn, and this is what I determined thus far.  Granted, I am less than 24 hours into this six-month journey, but I have nothing else to do on this plane ride other than ponder.

The first place I looked was within myself.  I compiled a list of words that I would use to describe myself.  Here is a shortlist:  Funny, loving, angry, stubborn, loyal, frightened, strong, determined, manipulative, smart, ignorant, and the list goes on, but you get the idea.  Next I looked at my list to determine which item needed the most attention.  I would be a liar, and I am sometimes, if I didn't admit that I primarily looked at the comments made by friends and family that I eluded to earlier.  Enough rambling already.  Here is what I determined.

If there is such a thing as divine providence, then my lesson likely involves learning how to believe in myself.  It involves understanding my full potential and what I can accomplish not only for myself, but also for others, if I just got out of my own way.  The lesson would prove to me that there are many people, so many people, that believe in me and what I offer.  Probably more so than I believe in myself.  I would come to learn that not only do these people believe in me, but they also care about me whether I choose to notice it or not.  They care enough to alter their lives, each in their own way, so that I could move forward with this opportunity and feel like everything was going to be okay.  There is also a lesson about love.  I know love when I see it and feel it, but I will be the first to admit that at times I don’t know what to do with the feeling of love when it is present.  More often than not, I will try to sabotage things or pretend that it doesn't exist.   The next six months will make it impossible for me to deny the love that surrounds me every single day.  Love on all levels and from all types of people.  I will come to appreciate the people whose emotions are invested in that love, and in my life.  My temper, sharp tongue, and opinionated nature will be addressed and I will learn what they have cost me over the years.  With god’s blessings I will correct myself.  I will learn that I am not such a bad guy, and that people are invested in my success and happiness because they believe in me and care.  Perhaps I will learn to bend a bit for those same people when their next opportunity comes around.  I don’t feel that I need to learn what life was like before certain people were in my life, but I have a big feeling that this opportunity will deliver that very message.  It will remind me that I can accomplish things on my own and that I don’t need anyone but myself to be strong; However, it will remind me that there is an emptiness felt with the absence of people whom I love.  I am being handed a gift.  A gift from my employer that could very well be a once in a lifetime opportunity, but also a gift from god in that I am forced to begin again with nobody but myself in a foreign land.  This is an opportunity to relearn some of the most basic but very important lessons of life that I have been ignoring.  An opportunity for rebirth.  So if all of this is real, or even similar to the version I just gave, then I have just one more wish that I pray is granted.  I pray that everyone in my life now remains in my life throughout this journey.  Perhaps that is another lesson that I refuse to even consider.  The lesson that says we don’t aways get what we wish for, and that sometimes it is just too late.

I am ending this first day of my journey with mixed emotions.  The same way it all started really, but the one difference is that I am beginning to notice what is available to me and how much the people in my life matter.  Two people in particular weigh the heaviest on my mind.  Naturally they are the two people that I love the most, and often hurt the most- Chris and my mother.  I remember the nightmares when I called their names only to realize that they were no longer around. The hardest part of this journey, of this lesson, is being apart from Chris and so far away from my mother.  Please god, no lessons are needed that involve loosing either of them.  This I pray…