A hectic work week is behind me, but what a great week it was. It ended on a great note too. My last interview of the week is certainly a hire, which means that I am on target for May’s goal in terms of hires. He is an incredible engineering candidate and I expect to extend him an offer by Wednesday. Next week is still days away and my calendar is nearly full already on both Monday and Tuesday. While this is a great sign, it also means that next week is going to be off the hook!
I have a bunch of random thoughts to share today so don't expect smooth reading. The day began on a great note. I had an early call with my two leads who gave me my very first performance review. Naturally I was nervous, I mean who wouldn't be nervous. Technically I have only been an Electronic Arts employee for less than one year because the year of contract doesn't count. I would have been more than happy to receive a “Meets Expectations” during my review. It is more than satisfactory and in actuality is quite good to receive. The bad news is that I didn't receive “meets expectations”. I know, I was a bit disappointed, that is until I heard the news. My review was “exceeds expectations”! Right on! I’m happy as a lark about this news but that means I have to do the same the next time around. You get what I am saying?
Believe it or not, I actually came home early today. I left the studio at 5:30pm. Don't give me any grief, its Friday! Guess what I did? I came home, hit the bed, and zonked right out! Honestly, I didn't even feel like waking up but I forced myself to get up at 7:30pm. A run was on my agenda, but it didn't happen tonight because I just wasn't feeling it. Instead, I meandered downstairs to the bar/restaurant for a Mojito and steak salad. It’s my favorite dinner at the cafe, and I thought I would treat myself. Treating myself is getting a bit too easy by the way. Actually I enjoy going to the cafe because I never know who I might meet. Sitting at the cafe bar is how I met Tanja and a few others. Secretly I like butting up against the bar and sitting next to a complete stranger. I am pretty good at reading people, and normally when someone is sitting alone at a bar they are also open to conversation. No such luck today though. It was just me and another guy at the opposite ends of the bar. Yes, he was alone, but he was also tied into his iPad via earphones and didn't look like someone looking to engage in conversation. To make matters worse, he was playing the bar as if it were his drums. I was annoyed.
So I will admit it… I was feeling lonely today. Do you have any idea how stupid that is? Lonely? Really? There are more than 7 billion people on this planet and I am feeling lonely. I actually started to make myself ill just admitting that I felt this way. People go their entire lives feeling lonely, yet they just don't reach out to talk to the person sitting next to them. I was that person tonight and I didn't like it. So what did I do? Mostly nothing! LOL! I engaged the bartender in meaningless conversation and then decided to jump on the tram and go grocery shopping. Yes, Friday night at 8:30pm and I am going grocery shopping. Look, it got me out of the hotel room and put me smack in the middle of lots of people on Chapel Street, which is the street with all the shops and bars off of Commercial. This time around I didn't panic inside Coles. Maybe I am becoming a local?
I did my shopping (spent nearly $200 & came home with two bags) and headed back to the hotel. That’s when it came over me. Don't ask me what it is though, because I still don't know exactly. I just know that something is coming. Maybe it is going to be another life lesson or maybe not, but yesterday’s trip to the movies alone and today’s feeling of loneliness has me feel that something is coming. Who knows, maybe I am just crazy (not a word out of you Chris), but at least I am thinking about what is possible, and I am looking outside of myself. That in itself is a step in the right direction. Now to deal with my own self-loathing for not running today.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but whatever it brings will be fine with me. I have learned that every day is a blessing. When you can share the day with someone you love it is even better. I cannot share the day with Chris, but I will enjoy it myself. Maybe one day soon I will learn to love myself. Maybe one day soon everyone will learn to become comfortable with themselves and extend that love to others. Maybe….
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